(Sorry in advance for the long post)
EMOTIONS…Emotions define human beings. Emotions are what makes people real and unique. A person can say a lot about Emotions or even very little. People say that emotions are a part of human nature. People say that a person is not living a full life if emotions aren’t expressed to their fullest capacity and felt at full strength.
If this is all true, then I am living life to the fullest (especially these last few months) because I bet I have felt every emotion under the sun when it comes to preparing to leave for the Peace Corps. There have been emotions that are more potent than others in a certain situation or more apparent but none the less, emotions are emotions and I am glad I have been feeling every single one of them.
A lot of people have been asking me the typical question (I think) that every person leaving for the Peace Corps (or any big move) is asked and that is “Are you getting excited about leaving?” I truthfully don’t have a simple answer to this question. I can’t just answer yes or no. Of course I am excited but I am also feeling other emotions at the same time.
Of course I am excited. I am excited to leave for this new adventure. I am excited to see and experience this new country I will be living in. I am excited to meet all the wonderful people that I will come across both other volunteers and people of the Republic of Georgia. I am excited for the food. For those who know me, you will not be surprised by that last statement. I love food! I am not scared to try new foods and I mean any kind of new foods. I think you can learn a lot about a country’s culture by eating it’s food. YUMMMMM! I am excited for the travel opportunities. I love to travel and see new places. I will be living in the Republic of Georgia and it gives me a base and stepping stone to other countries to travel to in that region. I am excited about that. I am excited to meet the children I’ll be teaching and hopefully learning from as well. I am excited to meet my host families. I am excited to learn from every experience I will have while volunteering with the Peace Corps. I am excited to share it with all of you and my friends and family. I am excited about a lot of things.
I am nervous. This is a big emotion that I (and other people I have learned) are feeling around this time. I am nervous about moving to a new country where I don’t know anyone. I am nervous about meeting new people both volunteers and the locals. I am nervous about meeting my host families. I am nervous about the BIG task ahead of me called LANGUAGE. I have never been good with learning another language so this will be a big obstacle I will have to overcome. I am nervous about succeeding and doing everything I will set out to do while I am in the Peace Corps. I am nervous about forgetting something I might need at home (I think about that a lot for some reason hahaha). I am nervous about meeting the people I will work with and getting along with them. I probably am nervous about more things but I can’t think of anymore right now.
I am scared. This is a huge risk I am taking. It is completely out of my comfort zone. There are a lot of things both in the life and experiences of a Peace Corps volunteer and also within myself that I will have to face and overcome to succeed. I am scared that I will fail. Even if I know I have this big support system and people telling me I will not fail, there will always be a small part of me that is scared of failing. I am scared of the new place I am moving too. I am scared of the unknown.
I feel overwhelmed. I feel overwhelmed right now because I want to do so many things before I leave. I want to eat at my favorite restaurants because I won’t have them for 2 years. I want to eat all my favorite foods because I also might not have access to them for 2 years. That in itself is an overwhelming task because I LOVE FOOD and don’t have just one favorite restaurant/food. I feel overwhelmed packing for 2 years. I don’t want to forget anything I might need. I don’t even have everything yet that I will need (still need to do some shopping). I probably will make a lot of lists before I leave so I can write everything down and then delete things. I need to see everyone I love at least one more time before I leave and thats a lot of people and of course can’t “delete” anyone. That is also overwhelming to me.
I feel sad. I am leaving for 2 years so why can’t I feel sad. I won’t see my family (unless they visit me) for 2 years. I won’t see my friends. I won’t have to usual support system right beside me (this support system will be at my fingertips though i.e. through typing on a computer or pressing buttons on a telephone) but I will be walking into a new support system which calms me. I know I will be missing out on some major events in other people’s lives and for that I am sad. There might be weddings and pregnancies. There might be break ups or new jobs. I know I will be missing out on these events but I will be having major events in my life in the Republic of Georgia and create memories to bring home and share with my friends and family.
I feel love. I know I have support to do the Peace Corps. I know people love me and are pushing me to do this. I love all of them and I feel the love coming from them and enveloping me. I know this love will keep giving me support to follow my dreams and succeed in the Peace Corps. It gives me courage to know that with this love everything will turn out alright.
I feel pride. I am joining an organization that thousands of people can say they have been apart of. It is an organization that has and gives support both in country and when you return home. It is an organization that is known around the world for the work that they do. I am going to become a piece of a large puzzle. I will be able to put my stamp on a community and hopefully be able to learn something and teach something in that community. I also feel pride from other people. I know my family and friends are proud of me for taking a risk and joining the Peace Corps. I am proud of myself for stepping out of my comfort zone and hopefully have the adventure of a lifetime when I leave soon.
EMOTIONS. People who know me will always know that I am not the best at expressing my emotions. This entry just hits the surface on all the emotions that I am feeling at this moment, waiting for the day I leave for this once in a lifetime trip I am about to embark on. As you can see, “Are you excited to leave?” is not a simple question for me to answer and I don’t think it is for anyone who is about to enter into the Peace Corps. I can honestly say, I would not trade anything to not feel all of the emotions I am feeling because it teaches me what to look forward too but also not to forget what I am leaving behind (for now).